i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
