Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize