Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize