I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
