My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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