when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
