Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
