You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
