Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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