dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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