Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
