my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
