It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
