Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
