i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
