How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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