i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
