When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
