I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
