walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
