And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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