yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize