Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
