He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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