Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
