THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
