Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
