That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
