Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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