You really coming over, don't trick.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
