When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
