your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
