people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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