dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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