in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
