i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize