im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
