I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
