I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
