I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
