Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
