I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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