You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
