Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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