Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
