I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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