And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
