don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
