omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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