Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sober January is a disaster.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
