dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
