my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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