That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
