if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
