so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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