Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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