After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize