Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
