Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
