he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
