he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
