Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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