He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
